The News On Food

Children’s behavior and food intolerance symptoms

Is your child throwing tantrums? Are they having trouble concentrating in school? Is your toddler irritable or not settling to sleep? Are they simply driving you nuts?  These are all possible signs of food intolerance symptoms and they are displayed through children’s behavior and their health.

Often times parents can feel confused and think that children’s behavior is a result of the child just wanting attention, that they have psychological hang ups or that they are just tired. Children suffering from food intolerance symptoms or food problems are not trying to gain the attention of the parent or displaying irritating behavior on purpose, they are simply impacted by food and it is playing havoc on their system. Sometimes, children’s behavior does indicate that they are just plain tired.

When children’s behavior is linked to food intolerance symptoms, and it is constant, it can be emotionally and physically draining.  From the child’s perspective they may feel constantly irritated because of their food intolerance symptoms.  Hence, what you need as a parent or carer are some positive tips to deal with children’s behavior.

Children’s behavior and positive parenting

Before I begin just let me say that the following comments are not a criticism of those of you that use specific language to raise your children. I was taught that we can only do the best we can until we learn of a better way of doing something. What is important though is that we do take action when we have been shown better alternatives. I hope my message in this post will help you to change the way you choose to deal with children’s behavior.

I’ve never been one to endorse using the word naughty and in fact, every time I hear the word naughty, it makes me cringe on the inside. My belief is that children do not learn anything by being called naughty or any other label related to the child or their behavior. Labeling doesn’t guide children as to what they have done wrong or provide a more appropriate action.  All it does is damage their self-esteem because you are basically calling them a name that is linked to negative connotations. I know that sounds very blunt but that quite simply is what is happening when children are labeled rather than taking action to guide children’s behavior.

I have also taught my children from a very young age that when someone calls a child ‘naughty’, what they actually mean is that the child in question just needs guidance to do the right thing. The problem is that the word ‘naughty’ is rampant on TV, in books, used by well meaning parents and the community. So, sometimes my own children have used the word ‘naughty’ because it seems the rest of society feels it is ok to label children and not use guidance with  children’s behavior. Even so, I have heard my children correcting each other or themselves on occasion if they have used the word naughty. Remember, what we teach our children is what they will pass on through to the next generation and how they will deal with their own children’s behavior. So please give some thought to how you speak to your children or grand children.

The word ‘no’ is also used indiscriminately. ‘No’ is a word that does have a place, especially if a child is in danger. If ‘no’ was used appropriately then more children would listen when it was spoken.

Positive parenting involves guiding children’s behavior using appropriate language about the behavior, not the child. This might also involve showing the child through your own actions.

5 Tips for dealing with children’s behavior

Some ideas for changing your parenting style and having a positive impact on children’s behavior are listed below:

1. Always guide children’s behavior and stop labeling the child.

Behavior:

Little Mary is throwing toys around.

Parenting tip:

“Mary, can we play with that together on the floor?” (encourage positive play using the toy by showing the child how to use it).

Or

“Mary, throwing your toys could hurt someone so I will need to take that from you for now until you can use it safely”.

If this behavior persists then you will need to sit with the child until they have calmed down enough to cease the behavior. After all, it is not acceptable to be throwing things around and potentially harm others or themselves. Talk about a positive action or change what you are saying to let the child know what they should be doing; not what they shouldn’t be doing.

The second statement to this parenting tip is not punishment but guidance. Punishment, for example, would be to send the child to their room to be there on their own or telling them that if they continue to throw toys then they will not be able to read their favorite book or play their favorite game (no immediate link to the current behavior). You can always remove a toy they are throwing and redirect them to another activity. This should be done in a calm and inviting manner.

2. Using time out appropriately for children’s behavior

Behavior:

You are out shopping and Little Sam has decided he doesn’t want to continue shopping and starts to throw a tantrum. You are unable to contain him and he is trying to run away.

Parenting tip:

If possible, pick the child up, take them to a quiet spot and stay with them even if they are on the floor thrashing about. Don’t try and negotiate with them as they are out of control of their emotions and are not able to listen when this is the case. Remember, as adults, we can sometimes feel out of control of our own emotions and unable to listen. Children are no different.

If the child is trying to hurt you then sit them on the ground then sit behind them, put your arms around them and your legs around their legs and stay in this position until they are calm. The only thing you can say is ,”I will stay with you and wait until you are calm”. Then just wait until they calm down because they eventually will. If they stop trying to hurt you or themselves then you can just sit with them. This is not rewarding children’s behavior but simply showing them that you are there when they are having trouble with their emotions. Tantrum times can vary but tend to lessen as time goes on so persistence does pay off. If your partner is around, do a tag team if you are finding this difficult.

OR

Just go home if it is too hard. When the child has calmed down, talk to them about their behavior. Sometimes the child might need some quiet play time before you can speak with them as this gives them some emotional space. Remember, if you were feeling out of control of your emotions, would you want someone to sit you in a naughty corner or in a solitary space with the door closed so you could deal with your emotions on your own?

Then, next time you want to venture out shopping, give the child advanced warning about where you will be going and what you will be doing. Ask them what they might be able to help with. i.e. pushing the trolley, helping put groceries into the shopping trolley or holding the shopping list. Children”s behavior will improve if you can get them involved.

3. Use acknowledgment and not praise for children’s behavior.

Behavior:

It is bedtime and Little Sheree wants to keep playing rather than get ready for bed.

Parenting tip:

It is always a good idea to use ‘when’ statements rather than ‘if’ because ‘if’ is based on bribery or a controlling style of parenting. In this situation I recommend you use words to the effect of;  “Sheree, when you have your pj’s on, we can have a short play and then book and bed’. If she still continues to play then you may need to assist her by getting down on her level, getting her attention (eye contact) and guiding her with the steps. Once she has been able to assist in the process, it is a good idea to provide some acknowledgment. An example off this is, “thank you Sheree, your help with getting ready for bed is appreciated. Now, we have time for a quick play before a book and bed”.

Sometimes it is just a case of letting the child finish up what they were doing and often times they will indicate to you that they are about to finish up an activity. Sometimes this approach is better because it shows you trust what they are saying and it gives them the chance to complete a fun task.

There is a fine line between praise and acknowledgment but it can have such a different impact on children’s behavior, just by selecting words that are acknowledgment based and not reward or praise based. Children need guidance and acknowledgment provides the best form of guidance and feedback.

I always found it useful to keep a chart on the wall as a reminder of the best ways to acknowledge children’s behavior so I could change my own behavior which was once based on providing praise. We are raised to believe that saying “good girl” , “good boy”, “you’re clever”, “you’re great for helping”  is great for children when in fact, it isn’t. A great alternative to this is to say such things as “I appreciate your help” or “You look happy with your work”. Our own behavior can be changed through habit. There are a few useful charts on self concept, self esteem and children’s behavior,  along with other fantastic information to help you as a parent, in the book called Children are people too.

4. Using guidance, not reward and punishment for childrens behavior

Behavior:

Little Albert is drawing on the walls with crayon.

Parenting tip:

Grab a piece of art paper and direct the child to a table (removing the writing instrument if necessary) and tell them that paper is for drawing on, not walls. If they continue to ignore you then remove the writing instrument and either get a cloth so the child can clean up their mess or if they refuse and are throwing a tantrum, go to the lounge and sit with them until they are calm. When they are calm, ask them to clean up the mess so that they can go back to drawing on the paper you have provided. You may need to assist them to clean up.

Star charts, stickers and the like are all again linked to extrinsic reward and do not encourage positive self-esteem. Children should be taught to be happy with their own achievements and not compared to other children or seeking approval of an adult. It is important to let the child know your opinion but it is preferable that you ask their own opinion.

Giving them a reward if they do what you want them to do is teaching them that they do not have to behave in any particular manner unless it is approved by a parent or care giver. The sad fact is that, according to the book Children are people too,  when child abusers were asked by researchers how they got away with molesting children for so long, the researchers were told by the child abuse offenders that children are taught to ‘do as they are told’ by adults. This is a very powerful message and we should stand up and take notice of how we are raising our children.

5. Encourage autonomy, independence and risk taking and not control of childrens behavior

Behavior:

Your child is standing at the wardrobe getting lots of clothes out so they can get themselves dressed and now is not a good time because you are in a hurry so you just want to assist in the process.

Parenting tip:

Children need to feel empowered so one of the best things you can do in this situation is to pick two items that you think the child might like to wear (i.e. two tops, two skirts) and ask them to choose. Trust their motives rather than look upon the situation as one where the child is just “out to get at you” or “doing this to gain attention”.

The approach of giving children choice helps them feel in control of their world. It teaches them to trust themselves to make their own decisions, right or wrong. When they do make errors in their judgment we should encourage them to try again and continue to take more risks. This is the best way for them to learn more about the world. On the other hand, if we continue to make choices on behalf of children, that they must listen to an adult, giving them stickers for work we think is of a certain standard, we are controlling them and interfering with positive development of their concept of self.

I know it is not easy to deal with children’s behavior, especially when food intolerance symptoms are at the fore. You do need skills to deal with children’s behavior and at the same time to be aware that under all that behavior, there is a child just wanting to blossom. Once you manage to sort the food problems, you will find that children’s behavior is much easier to manage.  Keep in mind that it is the body that needs healing in order for the behavioral reactions to be less severe. Children are likely to be out of control of themselves because of the impact that food is having on their system.

Provide guidance, not reward or punishment, provide opportunity, not control for children’s behavior. Encourage, and recognize emotions and self expression. You will set your child up with life skills and strengthen your bond with them for years ahead. For more information on positive parenting, children’s behavior and raising happy children I highly recommend two books listed below. From the reading I have personally done, these two books are exceptional and stand out above many of the rest.